


Fund or Die

by kenjideath



Series: Commissions [4]
Category: Professional Wrestling, World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Aliens Made Them Do It, Come Eating, Community: wrestlingkink, Face-Fucking, Fuck Or Die, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-27
Updated: 2016-06-27
Packaged: 2018-07-18 15:51:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7321318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kenjideath/pseuds/kenjideath
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aliens make Seth and Dean bone down. For science!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fund or Die

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Hyacinthus](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hyacinthus/gifts).



> This work was commissioned by the wonderful [praetorian-guard](http://praetorian-guard.tumblr.com/).

“Our surveys have shown that the two of you represent the peak of humanity,” the alien said, its tentacles waving around gently. “It is imperative to our studies that we observe your mating habits.”

Dean and Seth blinked at him – it? – dumbly. They were both still feelings the effects of whatever knock-out drug the aliens had dosed them with, and the absurdly plush bean-bag chairs they were slowly sinking into weren’t exactly helping to snap them back to reality. Finally, Dean cleared his throat.

“What the fuck?” he asked. Seth groaned, doubtlessly in awe of Dean’s amazing diplomatic skills.

The alien’s tentacles continued to undulate. “We have been observing your kind for some time,” it informed them. “We located many subjects that would be suitable for our needs, but the frequency and intensity of your copulation was quite memorable. We were sure to request you when our grant was approved.

Seth’s ears were turning red. Dean scoffed. Whatever, he and Seth had fucked a totally average amount.

“Your information’s out of date,” Dean drawled. “I stopped letting his scum on my dick over a year ago.”

The alien didn’t seem properly put out by this news. “Yes, unfortunately, it took longer for our grant to be approved then we would have liked. That is why we have dosed your receptive partner with a deadly poison that can only be counteracted by ingesting human semen.”

Seth squawked in horror. It was hard to tell, but Dean thought that the alien’s gyrations looked especially pleased with itself.

\---

The alien left them alone in the bizarre sex dungeon it had apparently designed for them. There was all kinds of weird furniture around, ranging from more surfaces too squishy to be comfortable to twisted wooden things that Dean couldn’t make heads or tails of to a sling just like one he’d once banged a smokin’ hot red head in. One wall had a truly impressive dildo collection, and the other had a towering shelf laden with bottles in all sizes and shapes, apparently full of lube and massage oil and such.

Dean toyed with one that was almost a perfect donut and ignored Seth on his kness, frantically masturbating behind him.

There was a crackle from the ceiling, where a speaker must have been hidden. “The poison will have already built up an immunity to the carrier’s semen. Only your partner possesses the cure.”

Seth whimpered. He hadn’t even managed to get himself hard; Dean guessed that mortal terror wasn’t actually a very good aphrodisiac. He was irritated to note that his mortal enemy knee-walking over to him with his soft dick laying vulnerable against the open V of his pants was a pretty decent one.

Seth’s hands were trembling and he scratched at Dean’s fly, but Dean caught him without much effort. Seth cursed. “Goddammit, Dean,” he snapped. “Just let me suck your dick.”

Dean gave him a lazy smile. “Nahhhh,” he drawled. “I’m not really in the mood tonight, honey.”

A snarl worked its way out of Seth’s throat. “Stop fucking around,” he snapped. “I’m not any happier about this than you are, but we need to just man up and – ”

“ _I_ don’t need to do anything.” Dean flopped down into something like an armchair made out of marshmallows. “’Far as I can see, I just have to lie back and wait for my problem to solve itself.”

Seth gaped at him open mouthed, like he genuinely couldn’t believe that Dean would refuse to feed him his dick. Dean let his legs fall open, enjoying the way that Seth’s eyes were drawn to his crotch.

Unfortunately, Seth had always recovered fast. He leaned back on his heels and let a hand wander up to his face. “That’s a shame,” Seth purred. “I’d really like to taste your cock one more time.” Seth pushed two fingers into his mouth and gave them a slow, thorough suck. Dean’s dick twitched in interest, the traitor.

“You know how much I love your big dick,” Seth continued. “Its just the right size to choke on.” He licked down his wrist, showing off his long tongue. “Remember the time that I blew you under the ring?” Seth asked.

Dean grunted; he sure fucking did. The zipper digging into his dick was starting to be really uncomfortable.

Seth dragged his tongue all the way down his forearm, leaving a wet trail in its wake. “We could barely move down there, and every time someone hit the mat I almost gagged.” Seth’s voice was getting husky from arousal. “I kept you on the edge forever, and as soon as you came, a ‘this is awesome’ chant broke out.”

Dean pressed the heel of his hand into the bulge in his pants and ground up into it. God, fuck this slimy bastard for making Dean remember what a sweet fucking lay his was. Dean didn’t have any intention of letting him die – he wasn’t that cruel, he just wanted to make him sweat a little – but he couldn’t very well give in now and let Seth think he’d won. Dean needed to take back control…. He cast his eyes around the room and found exactly what he needed.

“Show me how much you want it,” Dean said, his voice rougher than he’d like. When Seth met his eye, Dean jerked his head toward the wall of dildos. Seth immediately knew what Dean was getting at and turned pink, but wasted no time in stumbling to his feet and scurrying over to pick one out.

Dean took the opportunity to free his erection. Maybe mortal terror was a pretty good aphrodisiac after all, because _damn._

Seth returned with the ugliest acid green dildo Dean had ever seen. Dean hiccupped a laugh at the sight of it; it wasn’t Seth’s style at all. Seth kneeled and balanced the fake cock on the floor, holding the base of it steady with both hands. He started to lap slowly at the crown of it, showily, letting his tongue curl over the ridged head, and Dean realized that aside from the color, the dildo was amazingly similar to his own dick. Dean felt his face flush and his cock throb in his pants. Pretending not to be turned on by this scumbag was taking more self-control than he’d thought.

Seth parted his pretty pink lips and let the head of the dildo slip all the way inside. And then kept going down, sweet, sweet slow, letting the spit drip out of his mouth and down the shaft, as Seth swallowed and swallowed until he was kissing the base–

“Fine,” Dean rasped, “fine, great – fucking get–”

Dean didn’t even get to finish before Seth was knee-walking over to him at lightspeed. Four hands fumbled with Dean’s fly at once, dragging out the seconds endlessly, until Seth _growled_ and _ripped_ the button free, muscles in his thick arms flexing, and then Seth went _down_ –

Dean shouted as soon as his cock was enveloped in wet heat, a hoarse cry forcing itself from his mouth. Seth was always so goddamn good on his knees, it almost made up for how intolerable it was when he acted like he was so fucking better than everyone else. Seth gripped Dean’s hips so tightly Dean thought there might be bruises even through his jeans, and then he wasn’t thinking anything at all because Seth was sucking him hard enough to rip his dick off.

“Oh, FUCKING hell, baby,” Dean shouted. On impulse, he tried to thrust into Seth’s mouth, but the iron grip of Seth’s hands kept him still. Desperate for some kind of outlet, Dean covered Seth’s hands with his own and squeezed in a parody of hand-holding. “Yeah, pull that cure right outta me, you fucking slut,” Dean gasped. He thought he heard Seth start to choke, but then he was coming right in that lying mouth and Seth was choking for real, struggling to swallow every drop, so whatever.

Dean felt relaxed and pliant in the afterglow, especially because Seth was still lapping at his crotch, trying to get every potential trace of antidote into his mouth. Dean was just considering patting Seth on the head for a job well done when the speaker crackled to life again, startling him so much he almost kneed Seth in the face.

“This is wonderful data!” the alien exclaimed. “So educational! Our assumptions, so foolish. Every textbook on human anatomy will need to be completely rewritten!”

“Great,” Seth grumbled. Dean noticed that he was poking around in his own mouth with his tongue, perhaps licking the last traces of come off his teeth. The sight made Dean’s belly hot in a way he tried to ignore.

“Yes!” said the alien. “This is great! But, and this is unfortunate, we were mistaken in how we constructed the poison. We did not imagine that humans would be so bizarre as to ingest nutrients through their _mouths_.”

For a beat, Dean and Seth tried to work that out, but they didn’t need to bother.

“Yes, so strange,” the alien continued, “so you will still need to apply the antidote anally for it to be effective, so sorry for the misunderstanding. Godspeed!”

The background static cut out abruptly as Seth started to squawk. Dean just sighed and flopped back in the beanbag chair. He let one hand drop to his softening dick and start massaging it carefully, trying to rouse the limp organ. He could never just _enjoy_ anything, could he?

\---

Seth was approaching almost unheard of levels of desperation and dragged a huge, fat fake cock over so that he could ride it in front of Dean, knowing that nothing got Dean hard like seeing Seth split open farther than he could stand. Then it turned out that the new lube Seth had grabbed was some kind of tingly aphrodisiac bullshit that perked Dean’s dick right up and made his cock swell just a bit bigger than he’d ever seen it.

There was no more time for fucking around, and Dean didn’t want Seth to actually die, so Dean didn’t waste any time bending him over one of the padded benches and plowing him good and deep. Seth’s back was tense at first and Dean just couldn’t get off if his partner was so obviously not enjoying himself, so Dean adjusted their position slightly and then started pounding Seth’s prostate as hard as he could stand.

Predictably, Seth started screaming his head off, scratching at the leather padding like he wanted to rip it off, and Dean ended up curling his hand in Seth’s hair and yanking on it until Seth was arched back enough to get a crick in his back. Then he growled, “’Not gonna come before you,” into Seth’s ear and Seth’s mouth dropped open in a silent scream while Seth practically hosed the damn room down.

It was a damn fine sight, and Dean grinned at it dopily while he felt his balls rise up. He kissed Seth behind the ear. “Being such a good cum dump for me, baby,” Dean murmured, and Seth’s helpless moan was with him as he came again, filling Seth to the brim with that priceless life-giving jizz he needed.

\---

After all that, the aliens just kinda ditched them. “Thank you for your cooperation, please keep in touch for future offers,” the rep spouted out while Dean and Seth exchanged looks in the Target parking garage they were suddenly standing in, clothes back on as if nothing had happened. “Do not reveal what you experienced today under pain of death, have the nice day,” the little shimmering alien said, and blinked out of existence like it had never been there.

Dean and Seth stared at the empty patch of pavement for a long time. Dean didn’t know what Seth was thinking, but he was struggling to hold back the urge to actually say something, to engage with this smug sack of shit without a barrier in the way.

Dean said, “How fucking stupid do you have to be to get the digestive system backwards?”

Seth laughed. His laugh had always been awful, nasally and harsh. Dean had missed it. “As stupid as you would have to be to recruit us to represent average human sex,” Seth said. He was smiling.

Dean flashed him a smile of his own. “No wonder it took ‘em so long to get that grant,” he said.

The atmosphere felt comfortable, in a way Dean hadn’t felt around Seth is a long time. He could tell that Seth felt it, too; there was a flush rising in his cheeks and, bit by bit, Dean could see his face relaxing.

Suddenly, Seth turned on his heel. “You’re buying me dinner,” he announced, already striding away. Dean blinked and followed after him, not bothering to try to hurry and catch up. The view was perfectly fine from back here.

“Says who?” Dean asked.

“Says the pounding I just took,” Seth snapped. “In fact, you owe me _two_ dinners. And dessert, because I swallowed.”

“You swallowed because so you wouldn’t die,” Dean pointed out. He and Seth stepped out of the parking garage and into the bright light of the stars over whatever city they were in.

“That was a mistake,” Seth argued. “And it doesn’t matter. I swallowed and now you have to buy me dessert, that’s the deal.”

Seth sounded petulant, but not angry, and Dean gave up trying to stop the smile that had been fighting its way across his face for minutes now. “Baby, find me an Applebee's and you can get all the chocolate lava cakes you want,” he said.

Seth complained all the way there, but he packed away three of the little cakes all by himself and let Dean lick the chocolate out of mouth after, and then it had turned out that they were both up for round three in Seth’s hotel room.

Looking down at Seth’s soft head pillowed in his lap, starlight bouncing through the curtains off his face, Dean couldn’t help but think that he’d had worse nights, aliens and all.


End file.
